idle banter

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Your story is your story

I'm a firm believer that your story is your story. As it is rooted in your experience and by virtue, your story is a simple retelling of your experience. It is not then a ventured opinion that is open for debate and scrutiny. When this understanding is in place, it opens room for everyone to learn from the stories they hear and to be touched by the significance of the story. When working with organisations and narrative I affirm this point. But in recent days there has been a news story that has made me question whether such reverence of experience is valid. It is the furore stirred up by Pope Benedict quoting a Byzantine leader who slated the impact Mohammed had on the world in spreading Islam.

The Islam community has lashed out at his speech and the inference regarding his belielfs on Islam. Their response, understood as a story, has been characterised by pain and hurt. As a Christian African Westerner (sho, a mouthfull) I have found myself believing that the Muslim world has just misinterpreted the quote and not seen it in the grander picture of what Benedict is trying to achieve: greater tolerance and acceptance. But then, in listening to an interview with a Muslim cleric on TV this morning about the issue, I wonder if I have fallen into the trap of subjugating the "story" the Muslims are telling us? For the Muslims, from what I can understand, the issue here is that Bendict did not distance himself and his personal stance from the content of the quote. By virtue of this not happening, his has covertly stated he is anti-Muslim. But, I do not know if I am right on this.

How do we really open ourselves to the messages and lessons behind stories? How do we open ourselves to another's story, no matter how different and imcomprehensible it seems to us?

posted by Aiden at 10:18 am

16 Comments:

  • Let me introduce you all to some anthropological concepts:

    Ethnocentrism and Cultural Relativism

    For more details on Ethnocentrism visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethnocentrism
    and Cultural Relativism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cultural_relativism

    In other words, you can judge what one race is saying from the outsiders point of view and be extremely bias in your views, (as is normally the case with those who have strong religious groundings(HERESY!!!!)) or you can try to take a look at them from within the context of their religions. each view will be different, and don't judge cuz you think one is being very close minded about it while another is being more allowing. both of their religions don't allow for open minds, so rather smile and grab your popcorn.

    for more info on these perspectives, be they Emic or Etic, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emic

    By Blogger Eonblue, at 9/20/2006 10:12:00 am  

  • Herc, you're right, not going to get stuck on the 2nd question - go and research it you plonker.

    But on the 1st, I suppose this is my real question: how do we decide that one story, account, opinion, belief is better or more valid than another?

    I sometimes wonder how we would dealw ith such issues 200 years ago? I suspect we not have had to worry as much.

    By Blogger Aiden, at 9/20/2006 03:49:00 pm  

  • So, Eonblue, your stance on how we should deal with these sorts of issues really means that you sit on the fence as an observer. This is impossible as at any time we are all a product and a fucntion of our own culture and historical context.

    In understadning why I raise this blog topic, know that I am always interested in what we can learn by getting to grips with the story of the other (for your own sake, wikipedia Jacques Derrida and on the other [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_other] )

    By Blogger Aiden, at 9/20/2006 04:00:00 pm  

  • no, my stance is that if you want to make a judgement, rather look at it properly.

    no i am not an ethnocentrist. i am a big supporter of cultural relativism. so all i am saying is dont sit back and use your christian based beliefs to judge another religion or cultures actions. rather look at them from within the culture.

    otherwise before you put your foot in your mouth, don't say anything.

    keep in mnd that the two religions in this conflict have historical disputes too. they would jump at any opportunity to slit each others throats. so we can always sit back and watch, and then ask ourselves when the war starts why they didn't listen. in fact, why didn't we....?

    By Blogger Eonblue, at 9/20/2006 06:08:00 pm  

  • eon blue is an arrogant dickhead

    that's my story

    By Blogger barry, at 9/21/2006 03:14:00 pm  

  • Eon, you use far too many "you"'s. Seems you've been engaging too long in your monologue on your other blog to actually know how to enage in genuine conversation. Come to the party bru.

    By Blogger Aiden, at 9/22/2006 09:18:00 am  

  • Herc,

    I suppose I'm in tension on it. On one hand I want to believe that one story can have a monopoly, but then also know that there is an arbitrariness to every story.

    So, internally I want my story to reign, but experience tells me that is is not ever possible.

    By Blogger Aiden, at 9/22/2006 09:20:00 am  

  • Well well well.

    and here i thought that most of the people on this blog had some decent, christian backgrounds.

    i guess i was misinformed.

    Yes Herc, i do to an extent. the main thing people don't have is understanding, and wisdom combined with understanding would actually help the human race forward.

    but then yes, there is the inherant anger and need for violence apparent in the human race that goes against all of this.
    i'm not being a hippy and saying love everyone, cuz no-one can, except i guess Him, most of you would say...

    but then again most of you, except herc so far, have proven me wrong in assuming that you were christian, but proven me right but showing what christians really are.

    Aiden, who the fuck are you to judge????? just cuz you may not understand, doesn't mean you shuld try to undermine? how about having a decent intellectual argument; i thought thats what this blog was about

    Barry, have you ever mentioned anything on this entire blog that was actually worth anything? does your vocabulary not go beyond profanity? guess it doesn't take much of an intelligence to become a pastor...

    By Blogger Eonblue, at 9/24/2006 09:55:00 am  

  • sorry, i just love it when people act hypocritical. nice to see you don't think i'm stylek anymore herc...

    By Blogger Eonblue, at 9/25/2006 10:04:00 am  

  • Herc, back to your question 4 comments back.

    My first question would be: is being a racist the only option in expressing that anger?

    And then from a narrative persepctive, when that sort of expression happens (i.e. the one you mention) it subjugates the alternative story. The alternative story is one that holds the hope of encountering the other (in this case, people of the other race). A subjugating story closes the door on this possibiltiy because of the hegemony it has on the situation.

    In the end, if it is only you with that sotry then you'll qiuckly find that your sotry is in the minority.

    By Blogger Aiden, at 9/26/2006 04:44:00 pm  

  • Eon, Herc is right. You've reacted the way I wanted you to ... with authenticity. Truth be told, I cannot read any of your comments as most of them shoot off on an intellectual tangent that get emeshed with large words.

    Clearly there is anothe issue at hand between yourself and barry. I wonder what that story is?

    By Blogger Aiden, at 9/27/2006 12:15:00 pm  

  • Herc, your desire for a congruous meta-Story is akin to that of watching a collony of ants from above. While their individual movements do not seem to be coherent or rational, in context of the colony there is a larger organisation to it when considering the whole picture.

    I wonder if this is true with us as humans?

    By Blogger Aiden, at 9/27/2006 12:18:00 pm  

  • Stylek, you and Eon must be friends. Maybe you went to school together or attended the same LAN parties, but you have both missed the point.

    By Blogger Aiden, at 9/27/2006 12:20:00 pm  

  • Hi guys (and gals),

    I tried to add a post yesterday but it wouldn't work so I gave up in frustration!!! So, here I go again!

    Aids, I think there's a fundamental flaw in the basic premise - I cannot agree that "your story is your story" How can I say this? So glad you asked ;-) Let me explain....

    1. My story is not just a retelling of my experience, it is inevitably coloured by my own values and interpretation of my experience (didn't they teach you anything in narrative therapy? Joking!!!!)

    Thus my story changes over time, as new experiences, insights and the stories of others interact with it. Frequently huge change in people results simply from a re-interpretation of their story.

    2. Everyone's story is open for scrutiny and debate - they must be, or we are all at the mercy of our own limited and distorted perceptions of reality.

    It is only as we allow our various stories to engage one another, and as we question and challenge one another's stories that we grow, learn and move a little closer to some sense of reality.

    So, to try and pick up some of the issues here:
    1. Is it ok for someone to claim that they did not abuse a child because "the child asked for it"? This is their story, which in your view is unassailable. I would say this story needs to be interrogated, challenged and debated, and the child's story brought into dialogue with it to get closer to truth, and possibly find some healing for both abuser and abused.

    2. Is it ok to claim that you (generally, not Aiden specifically) are justified in your racism because another race hurt you? I would want to challenge this story and offer an alternative - it was individuals not a race that hurt you, and to use this story to attack another whole race group is destructive and evil.

    In my argument so far, I am echoing, I believe, much of what Herc has been trying to say here (I hope I'm not misinterpreting you here, Herc!)

    3. Who, then, is to say which stories take precedence? What gives me the right to challenge the abusers story or the racists? In this sense I guess I find that I must appeal to some sort of meta-story. Human beings together need to work out not just individual stories, but a collective story.

    Thus, any story which brings pain, destruction or violates anyone else's right to their story - which places the individual good over the collective good - leaves itself open to challenge and debate.

    However, even this raises huge questions - what is the collective good? Who decides? What happens as the collective story changes? What if the collective story is evil(as we would say Hitler's Reich's story was).

    I guess what it comes down to, for me, is for us all to have the humility to allow our stories to not be our stories - unassailable and safe from challenge. Rather, I find I must offer my story to others to challenge and question it, even as I must take my responsibility to challenge and debate the stories of others.

    In this ongoing dialogue, I believe, is the hope of humanity.

    For what it's worth....

    By Blogger John van de Laar, at 9/27/2006 02:19:00 pm  

  • Herc,

    Thanks for your reply - as you say, I did repeat some of the stuff you had already said. Sorry if that added some static to the conversation.

    I want to pick up on the importance thing. I must disagree with Aiden that all stories are equally important. Even on a personal level that is just not the case.

    It is a natural human tendency to elevate some parts of my personal story over others. Here lies part of my self-deception. I may inflate parts that are actually less significant, and downplay other parts that are more important.

    My understanding of narrative therapy is that it questions this tendency and allows people to re-story their lives - re-examining what we consider important and what we don't. In fact, it was exactly this process that led to a very powerful and wonderful change - a liberation - in my own life.

    So, personaly we all have an "importance hierarchy" to our stories.

    Collectively this is also the case - some stories are extremely resilient, and influence large segments of society. Others are less so, and fade away more easily. On an ethical level, some stories should be more important - the great human virtues of love, peace, equality etc. - and others should be less important, or even removed - evil, murder etc.

    In biological and psychological terms, stories on this level are often called Memes - they are to our values and social organisation what genes are to our physical and biological evolution. Some Memes are strong and resilient - an example would be democracy. Others are weaker and affect only small segments of the population - an example would be the Flat Earth Society (although, of course, this was at one point in our history a very dominant story!)

    The question is how does this "importance hierarchy" get established. Can one group determine that their story must dominate? Is it right to try and "impose" my story on others? In the past this was the church's methodology - The Pope ruled Europe and heretics were burned at the stake. However, today, to attempt this is, in fact, to weaken your story. People reject anything that is forced or imposed.

    So, I end up in this place - I hold my stories dear, but constantly try to allow other stories to dialogue with mine, accepting the inevitable changes that this will bring to my story. On a collective level, I try to participate in the ongoing human dialogue in whatever ways I can, and trust (perhaps naively) that the stories that best serve human health, growth and goodness will ultimately rise to the top - through a process of natural selection, rather than coercion.

    I wonder how many Christians would be comfortable with this approach?

    By Blogger John van de Laar, at 9/28/2006 09:39:00 am  

  • John, you disagreed twice with a statement I made - that all stories are equally important. Don't have time now to retrace my comments. Did I really say that?

    Stylek, thanks for the insightful comments on the way you blog. kudos.

    By Blogger Aiden, at 10/01/2006 10:09:00 pm  

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